My View of Llanview: May 15 Edition

Photo: Errol Lewis/SON

Saturday, May 15, 2010 12:01 AM ET | By Scotty Gore

(SoapOperaNetwork.com) — The promo says that “‘One Life to Live’ finds its voice” with this musical. Well, if that’s the case, I hope it gets a prolonged case of laryngitis.

With the arrival of “Starr X’d Lovers: The Musical” came a sense of dread for me. Although I do like when the show experiments with new things from time to time, the thought of another prom night musical extravaganza left me with more than a few reservations.

Then I heard a familiar tune: “Here’s what you do when you don’t find the rainbow’s end,
This time. Here’s where you go when it looks like the rain won’t end, don’t cry. I’ll give you tomorrow. Let me be the one you share it with, And each day that follows, ‘Cause we only have ‘ONE LIFE TO LIVE!'”

Granted it wasn’t performed by Peabo Bryson, as was the original, and the pictures and everything else in the opening was the same as it has been since 2004, but still any episode that begins with that upbeat song can’t be that bad, I reasoned. Then I watched the remainder of the episode, at which point I realized that my hypothesis was only partially correct.

While I did find some of the musical numbers ‘cheesy’ and ‘gay’ for lack of better terms, I did somewhat enjoy the the musical’s signature tune “Starr X’d Lovers.” And I have to give these kids credit for such very hard work in practicing their singing and dancing. But still, I found the motivation behind the whole thing trivial at best.

I mean, it’s not as if Starr and Cole are the greatest couple ever in the nearly 42-year history of “One Life to Live.” Likewise, they are not the popular characters to have ever lived in Llanview, no matter what the writers and producers may try and make us believe. And, while I don’t absolutely despise Starr and Cole, I’m not their biggest cheerleader either. In fact, the best word that comes to mind when describing my feelings for them is “eh.” I think that sums it up fairly well.

And, while “OLTL” does have several cast members who have been blessed with talent with regards to their singing abilities, there are also some who are mediocre at best. Now granted I have no room to criticize, since I personally cannot carry a tune in a bucket (and that’s being generous). However, I’m going to have my say anyway. I like Mark Lawson (Brody), but the guy is not a very good singer. He may be easy on the eyes for the ladies, but he should probably leave the singing to the professionals.

And God bless Roxy…working by herself on prom night, fixing hair and giving makeovers to six teen girls, and still able to find time to bust out into an elaborate song and dance routine. Only in Llanview, I suppose. Too bad that Jessica the twit is still roaming around the streets free. It’s amazing how all the adults in town seem content to let her run around acting like a ten-year-old kid again. But I suppose Viki is busy with other things, like propping Gigi and Rex to really care about her daughter’s mental state.

Now, only two more days of his mind-numbing musical, and then hopefully we’ll be done it with for another three years, like the last one. At least one can hope anyway.

Getting back to the opening, I like the thought of reviving the 1984-91 “Tour of Llanview” opening sequence. Having different cast members perform the song for each of the three days of the musical is all right, but I think it needs to be brought back full time. Along the same lines, it needs to be re-recorded by a professional musician, and not someone from the cast, no matter how talented he or she may be. And, if the song is to return for good, then the cast will all need new pictures, and the graphics will need to be more eye-catching and relevant. The current opening lost its appeal a few months after it debuted….and that was nearly a half-dozen years ago.

No one correctly guessed the identity of last time’s mystery “OLTL” guest star, which was accomplished actor Eileen Heckart. In 1986 she played Allison Perkins’ (Barbara Garrick) mother Ruth, and in 1993, originated the role of Mortimer Burns’ mom Wilma, which was later taken over by Elaine Stritch. And, of course, Mortimer was the spitting image of infamous mob boss Carlo Hesser.

In case you missed the clues, here they are: This late, Oscar winning television, stage, and film star of German and Irish decent, who was adopted by her grandfather as a child, had two small, but memorable roles on the soap. First she played mother to one of Llanview’s favorite psycho’s. Then she portrayed the mom of a super villain look-alike.

Now it’s time to play another round of “Llanview, Who Am I?,” a new feature where you have to use the clues to figure out the identity of a mystery celebrity guest star from “OLTL’s” past. See if you can figure it out. Good luck!!!

This Llanview ‘Visitor’ took over the role of a engineer who came to town on a top-secret mission, and fell hard for a leading man. Although this woman didn’t last long in the role, the woman she replaced returned to town years later as an unrelated character. Perhaps the saying is true afterall…’hair’ today, gone tomorrow.

So who is this mystery actress from the past? I’ll have the answer in the May 30th edition of My View of Llanview. Bonus points if you can tell me the name of the woman she replaced and the character she currently portrays on the show. Also don’t forget to tell me what bugs you about the show these days. I love hearing from fellow “OLTL” fans. And don’t forget to check out my Twitter page for all the latest OLTL news and information at SON.

Now, before I wrap up this column, I’m going to look into my crystal ball and give you a quick sneak peek at a few things coming up a few weeks down the road. These are for the week of May 31st. A matriarch is asked to play an important part in someone else’s nuptials. A Llanview landmark is ablaze…for the second time. Someone, or something, causes a big stink in a public place. One teen issues an ultimatum to another. Someone is trailed. And a big day is loaded with unexpected surprises.

Well that’s concludes yet another edition of the column. Hope you enjoyed it. Have a happy and safe Memorial Day holiday weekend. Take care and have a great day!

And until next time remember, we only have “One Life to Live”…

“One Life to Live” airs Weekdays on ABC. Weeknights on SOAPnet. Anytime on ABC.com and SOAPnet.com. Check local listings.

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