Wednesday, September 15, 2010 at 12:01 AM ET by Scotty Gore
(SoapOperaNetwork.com) — Whatever the hell happened to the expression “Leave them wanting more?”
So I was wracking my brain, trying to think of a topic to write about for this edition of the column, when lo and behold I came across the tacky, cheesy, God-awful, and downright embarrassing new “OLTL” promo entitled “People are Talking About the Ford brothers.” After watching it, all I can say is “Really?”
While it does appear that most “One Life” fans are indeed talking about the Ford brothers, the words typically used are not as kind as those mentioned in the promo. In fact, it seems as if the vast majority of the “OLTL” audience, myself included, cannot stand the cardboard siblings and see no purpose what so ever that they serve by being on the show right now. So then why does the show keep promoting such drivel?
Well apparently the show’s new core audience consists of twelve-year-old girls, which would explain why the said promo contains quotes like “They are all really cute. They kinda make you melt just watching them.” I mean, seriously, who else other than a love struck teenage girl is going to say things like that? I realize that soaps have always been geared more toward women, but this is nothing short of ridiculous and absurd. We have certainly come a long way haven’t we?
When “One Life to Live” debuted more than four decade ago, it dealt with relevant social issues like racism, drug addiction and minorities. Today, however, it deals primarily with three young brothers who run around town with their shirts off 90% of the time, flirt with every woman they see, and couldn’t act to save their lives. But I suppose it doesn’t matter as long as some teenyboppers comment on the “OLTL” Facebook page that the brothers are hot, cute, and make you, you know “kinda want to melt” just by looking at them. It’s ratings be damned apparently.
And, while this promo is bad enough on its own, it is even more humiliating when you realize that it is only the latest in a series of promotional gaffes by “OLTL” and ABC to try to sell the show’s fanbase on these three characters who epitomize style over substance. Let us not forget about how the latest “More Life to Live” video clip turned into a “Meet the Ford Brothers” interview, and that the latest “OLTL” photo shoot consisted solely of pictures of the brothers in various states of upper body undress. Oh, and who could forgot the new mid-show bumpers for two of the three Ford siblings, once of which features the eldest brother Robert (David A. Gregory) smiling while mugging for the camera and opening his shirt to once again showcase what lies underneath (as if it were still some sort of mystery); the other features middle brother James (Nic Robuck) working on a car (Lenny Platt plays the youngest brother Nate). And yet, some people wonder why these three were hired in the first place. Let’s just say that it likely wasn’t their acting abilities that won them their roles.
So how do you top something as stupid as that promo? Give the brothers their own online mini-sodes? Replace Erika Slezak’s picture at the end of both openings with shots of the brothers? Or just go all out and rename the show in their honor? After seeing what show has been promoting lately, I wouldn’t put anything past them. Making these three the stars of the show, much like making 2010 the “Summer of the Teens,” is a recipe for disaster — all the ingredients have been coming together, and it’s about ready to blow up in their faces. And I wonder if there will be anyone left to pick up the pieces after it’s all over. However, at this point, I seriously doubt it.
Anyway, moving on, congratulations to “Tmontyb,” who correctly identified last time’s mystery “OLTL” guest star as actor Tony Roberts. However, no one mentioned the full name of the character he played on the show, which was Judge “Killer” Carson.
In case you missed the clues, here they are: This star of the big screen, who has frequently appeared as Woody Allen’s best friend in several of his movies, stopped by Llanview briefly in 1991 when, as a ‘Killer’ of a judge, he sent Gabrielle Medina off to prison for seven years for reluctantly aiding mob boss Carlo Hesser in his quest to poison Viki.
Now it’s time to play another round of “Llanview, Who Am I?,” a new feature where you have to use the clues to figure out the identity of some mystery celebrity guest stars from “OLTL’s” past. See if you can figure it out. Good luck!!!
In 2004 this smooth-jazz musician brought his soothing saxophone sounds to Llanview when he appeared as his himself, and performed a few of his musical numbers at R.J. Gannon’s popular nightclub Capricorn.
So who is this mystery celebrity from the past? I’ll have the answers in the September 30th edition of My View of Llanview. And don’t forget to check out my Twitter page for all the latest “OLTL” news and information at SON.
Now, before I wrap up this column, I’m going to look into my crystal ball and give you a quick sneak peek at a few things coming up a few weeks down the road. These are for the week of October 4th. Two brothers have a confrontation. One man is discovered near death. A person from the past is forced to make an admission. Is one man’s mind playing tricks on him? A person in a precarious position is diagnosed with a stress-related medical condition. Will one brother tattle on another? Someone with influence works to get another back on the job. And one woman wonders what secret is being kept by one half of a soon-to-be-married couple.
Well that’s concludes yet another edition of the column. I hope everyone is enjoying the cooler fall weather. Stay safe and well.
And until next time remember, we only have “One Life to Live”…
“One Life to Live” airs Weekdays on ABC. Weeknights on SOAPnet. Anytime on ABC.com and SOAPnet.com. Check local listings.