Photo: Errol Lewis/SON

Sunday, May 30, 2010 12:01 AM ET | By Scotty Gore

(SoapOperaNetwork.com) — Like Momma always says “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.”

I’m sure some of you are expecting this column to lengthy, in depth, and opinion filled. If so, then I’m sorry but you’re mistaken. Two things are preventing me from making this particular edition of the column all of the things mentioned above. The first is a result of time constraints. I have a dozen things going on this holiday weekend, and I just simply don’t have the time to set down and compose a rather drawn out column. And second, even if I did, there is very, very little on the show right now that is even worth mentioning. And I would rather not get on my soapbox and rant and rave about how much “One Life to Live” stinks as of late. I’ve done more than enough negative columns about the show for awhile.

So what that does leave for me to talk about then? Very little actually. But I will say this, things are NOT looking good as we head into the summer months in Llanview. Endless teen drama, a canvas overloaded with newbies, and veterans characters that are harder to find than Waldo. I realize that soaps have always played the teen card at the end of the school year, but that doesn’t excuse it. As for yet another new family, I say go ahead. Chance are it they will just fizzle out like nearly all the other new families in the past few years. Just look at the Evans’ and the Montez’s.

And, as for the vets, Bo and Nora may be getting some airtime for their wedding, but I guarantee you that once they say “I do,” they will be shoved back into the attic with Renee, Shane, Charlie, and all the others, who are dusted off and pushed in from of the camera once in a blue moon. Clint seems to have gone the way of Marty and lost his focus. With Kim banished from Llanview (thanks to David), Nora with Bo, and things heating up between Viki, David, Charlie, and Dorian, poor ole Clint has no viable love interest and really no function outside of perhaps visiting with his daughters. That is much the same way Marty has been written for months. And poor Viki has no life of her own, and her only reason for living seems to be so she can prop Rex and Gigi and dispense advice to Jessica and Natalie.

Getting back to the teens for a moment, the only ones I can really root for right now are Markko, and to a lesser extent Destiny and then Matthew. Of the three, Markko is my favorite. I also used to enjoy Langston as well until the writers turned the character into a moron. Lang-Lang totally deserves everything she is getting right now and more. And thankfully Markko knows the truth now about her and Ford. For awhile there, the poor guy was dumber than dirt about what was going on all around him. But now, Jason Tam, who is a remarkable actor by the way, is at last finally getting some juicy material that he can sink his teeth into. Markko is too good for Langston, who has become such an idiot that she has become oblivious to all of Ford’s lies. And speaking of Ford, I can’t stand this character. Apparently the powers that be at ABC and “One Life to Live” haven’t realized the fact yet that, just because someone is good looking, doesn’t mean they can act their way out of a paper bag. Just remember back to how horrid Mikey Jerome was if you don’t believe me.

Finally, the demise of SOAPnet this week left “OLTL’s” fans even more concerned about the soap’s future, especially given a New York Times article that (apparently) inadvertently omitted “One Life to Live” when talking stating that “ABC remains committed to its soaps (“General Hospital,” “All My Children”), other broadcasters have been moving away from the genre, limiting the amount of product available for SOAPnet.” According to ABC Daytime God Brian Frons, the omission was the fault of the Times reporter, and that the network continues to stand by “OLTL” too. Really? Could have fooled me. Frankly, I have no idea why Frons appears to be so concerned about “One Life to Live” not being mentioned in the article, when he clearly doesn’t mind it being left out of other promos for the Alphabet Network’s daytime line-up. And he sure as hell doesn’t seem to care about what’s on the show itself, because if he did, “One Life” wouldn’t be at the bottom of the ratings, barely beating its cancelled competitor “As the World Turns.” But then again, according to that logic, he doesn’t really care about “AMC” and “GH” either, since neither regularly averages beating “OLTL” by more than one or two tenths of a point. Oh well, “One Life” will always remain the ugly red-headed step-child of ABC Daytime, sandwiched in between the baby and the first born. Some things will never change.

Moving on, no one correctly guessed the identity of last time’s mystery “OLTL” guest star, which was “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine” actor Nana Visitor. In 1982, she replaced Ilene Kristen in the role of scientist Georgina Whitman. Kristen, of course, returned to the show years later, and now plays Roxy Balsom.

In case you missed the clues, here they are: This Llanview ‘Visitor’ took over the role of a engineer who came to town on a top-secret mission, and fell hard for a leading man. Although this woman didn’t last long in the role, the woman she replaced returned to town years later as an unrelated character. Perhaps the saying is true afterall…’hair’ today, gone tomorrow.

Now it’s time to play another round of “Llanview, Who Am I?,” a new feature where you have to use the clues to figure out the identity of a mystery celebrity guest star from “OLTL’s” past. See if you can figure it out. Good luck!!!

This former NBC News reporter was visited by a Llanview leading lady a decade ago, as a result of a particular illness that bonded the two women together. This guest star chronicled her illness in a book and helped her mother, who was battling terminal ovarian cancer, end her life. And, on a side note, her husband is a mathematician.

So who is this mystery actress from the past? I’ll have the answer in the June 15th edition of My View of Llanview. Bonus points if you can tell me the name of the character that visited her. And don’t forget to check out my Twitter page for all the latest OLTL news and information at SON.

Now, before I wrap up this column, I’m going to look into my crystal ball and give you a quick sneak peek at a few things coming up a few weeks down the road. These are for the week of June 21st. A finger is pointed. Two reunited old flames drift apart. A scorned lover confronts the man who broke her heart. A daddy gives a surprise kiss to someone unexpected. One young man snitches on another. A girl is asked to help do something shady. And someone is being framed.

Well that’s concludes yet another edition of the column. Be sure to buckle up and drive safely if you are traveling on the roadways this Memorial Day weekend. A special thank you to the men and women (both past and present) who have fought to maintain our freedom. I also want to pay tribute to those who paid the ultimate sacrifice to protect our nation. Thank you all and God Bless!

And until next time remember, we only have “One Life to Live”…

“One Life to Live” airs Weekdays on ABC. Weeknights on SOAPnet. Anytime on ABC.com and SOAPnet.com. Check local listings.

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