On Tuesday, October 12, “The Bold and the Beautiful” star Annika Noelle (Hope Logan) shared a deeply personal and emotional story about the time she and her fiancé were told they had lost their second child in a matter of months. Her recounting of how she felt and how she was able to cope is detailed in an essay she posted on Glamour magazine’s website.
“I am so grateful to @glamourmag for the opportunity to share my story and my writing with the world for the first time ever,” Noelle said on Instagram of the Glamour essay. “What started as a therapeutic piece for myself soon evolved into more. While I normally try to keep my personal life private, I decided to share my story with the hope that it might help at least one woman feel a little less alone. We are brave, we are resilient, we are strength embodied. Thank you to @annamoeslein for believing in this piece and publishing it.”
In the essay, Noelle recalls how she received the sad news from the ultrasound technician they there didn’t appear to be a heartbeat emitting from a baby she was looking forward to raising. Her first loss, a girl, was just after 10 weeks. Her second, a boy, came after eight weeks.
“I was told the chances of us experiencing another pregnancy loss were slim to none, but sadly, our second attempt unraveled into sorrow and heartache as well,” Noelle reveals. “We lost him at eight weeks. And all the while, I was filming.”
“Nobody knew. I came up with excuses for why I couldn’t wear white pants or felt nauseous on set,” Noelle explains. “Fans and news articles speculated whether I was pregnant or just gained weight during quarantine. And once again the storyline called for ceaseless tears when I felt like I had no more to give. I guess looking back at it now, I was scared to jinx anything. I didn’t want people to know and have things not work out. And yet I wish I had because I would have given anything to have the understanding and support of the cast and crew. I felt so alone.”
She notes, “The secret was isolating, yet the shame was debilitating. I felt like I had failed at something that should be easy. But as time marched on, I was surprised by a new feeling bubbling underneath the sorrow: an ancestral rage toward the burden of womanhood. And as I slowly began to open up about my loss to a select few, I was shocked by how many people had experienced it as well. I began to realize that the support I was craving could be found in the collective experience of women. And the more I opened up about it to men, they gained a deeper understanding. Suddenly my shame was replaced with power. I had been through hell and back and was still standing. To go through what I went through and still show up on set, to get through the day and not crumble, is a feat. I never want to hear anyone question a woman’s strength ever again.”
To read more about what Noelle has to say, and how she was able to handle the pressure of keeping her secret a secret for as long as she did, make sure to read the full essay here.