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My View of Llanview: July 30 Edition

My View of Llanview: July 30 Edition

Photo: Errol Lewis/SON

Friday, July 30, 2010 12:01 AM ET | By Scotty Gore

(SoapOperaNetwork.com) — “One Life to Live” continues to wither on the vine by maintaining the status quo.

Last week, Natalie and Jessica found out their were each pregnant (both women apparently conceived at the same time no less), foreshadowing two more “Who’s the Daddy?” storylines on a soap that recycles more storylines than most people change undergarments.

Even worse, the canvas has been flooded with paternity storylines in the past year. Stacy’s baby’s daddy is Rex…no it’s Schuyler…no wait, it’s Oliver Fish. Schuyler is Roxy’s son. Rex is Mitch’s son…no wait, his father is some guy no one’s ever heard of, while is mom is an Native American woman who died of a broken heart…again, someone who was unconnected with everyone else. Inez is Ford and James’ mother….and Nate’s mom as well. Dani is really Todd’s daughter, not Ross’. And now this fiasco.

Honestly, this show is becoming as predictable as the daily weather forecast for the Sahara Desert. And what storylines are not already played out, do not make an sense. Like why did Eli (aka Bennett Thompson) have to kill Melinda? No matter how many times the show tries to explain Eli’s actions with regards to being the source of all evil in Llanview, it leaves more questions than answers. What is this big secret he’s keeping? At this point, I doubt even the writers know what it is yet. And that is a big part of the problem with “One Life to Live” right now.

Watching clips of old “OLTL” episodes on Youtube, as I so often do these days, reminds me of just how well-written, wonderfully acted, and very creative this soap used to do. Perhaps one of my favorite “One Life” episodes is the ‘Trading Places’ special that aired on July 4th, 2001. This was back in the day when ABC actually realized that viewership might just increase for their soaps by showing new episodes on the holidays instead of so-called ‘encore’ episodes that aired only a few weeks earlier (insta-classics the encores are not, by the way).

I also often watch clips from Viki’s epic battle with DID back in 1995 (when she splintered into six alternate personalities), as well as Mitch and Dorian’s return to Llanview in 2003 as newlyweds, leading Viki to bitchslap her nemesis in front of friends and loved ones at Llanfair, as well as others. However, that is about as recent as I get. I typically don’t re-watch very many clips from episodes that have aired in the last half-dozen or so years. Hmmm….wonder why that is? lol

If the powers that be at “OLTL” spent as much time on fixing the actual show as they say they do on the new bumpers, musical numbers, and special effects (like when Stacy fell through the ice back in February), then this show might actually be halfway decent. But, as it stands at the moment, there is simply too much wrong in Llanview right now to be ignored. So, is it really any wonder why the ratings are so horrible? You can’t expect newbies and teens to carry the show, when, judging by the ratings for the past few months, “OLTL” has been hitting record lows, and even slipping behind a soap that has already been cancelled.

Perhaps what irks me that most is how a one-note character such as Ford, can go from a somewhat decent background character (when he was working with David Vickers last fall), to being front and center and getting an insta-family consisting of other mediocre newbie characters, when established, veteran characters like Clint can’t even get any airtime outside of playing the fool at Bo and Nora’s wedding when he burst in with a rifle. Hell even Viki, the show’s sole remaining original character, has been reduced to throwing skimpy, holiday-themed underwear at a man half her age in order to make the gold digger who once married her father in order to get a hold of his fortune, jealous. Speaking of Dorian, how embarrassing is it that she has nothing better to do than be envious of Viki and claim that she is out to ruin her life. Heck, even Bo and Nora have barely had a scene together since they got re-married. And where the hell are Renee, Nigel, and Addie?

I realize they are trying to appeal to the female 18-49 demographic by showcasing the teens and half-naked cardboard pretty boys, but apparently even they (for the most part) are repulsed by all of this. Because, if they actually liked this garbage, “OLTL” wouldn’t be dead last in that crucial demographic right now. “OLTL” is just that bad…I’m not even sure how much ‘Life’ (pun intended) this show right now. As horrible as it is say, cancellation might actually be a blessing at this point. And you don’t know just how very much it pains this loyal, long-time fan to say that.

Anyway, moving on, congratulations to “Judy from JC,” who correctly identified last time’s mystery “OLTL” guest star which was rapper Kurtis Blow.

In case you missed the clues, here they are: This rapper ‘blew’ through Llanview in in late 1990, first as a consultant for the show, and then later appearing onscreen as himself the following year in an episode that focused on the son of the town’s top cop, who wanted to pursue a career in rap music rather than going to college.

Now it’s time to play another round of “Llanview, Who Am I?,” a new feature where you have to use the clues to figure out the identity of a mystery celebrity guest star from “OLTL’s” past. See if you can figure it out. Good luck!!!

This musician sang a nice little ‘Medley’ on “One Life to Live” in 1994 with a certain ‘lovely’ woman for someone’s wedding shower.

So who is this mystery celebrity from the past? Bonus points if you can tell me the name of the woman who performed with him, the name of the song they sung, and which two characters were getting married. I’ll have the answers in the August 15th edition of My View of Llanview. And don’t forget to check out my Twitter page for all the latest OLTL news and information at SON.

Now, before I wrap up this column, I’m going to look into my crystal ball and give you a quick sneak peek at a few things coming up a few weeks down the road. These are for the week of August 16th. Two couples plan a double wedding, but will either of them actually end up walking down the aisle? Someone unexpected is arrested. One teen is upset by her friend’s decision to date someone she cares about. A certain young man thinks another person is innocent. A psychopath learns someone close may be on to him. A beau overhears his girlfriend’s private conversation concerning a ‘little’ matter. And a mother contacts a particular individual to help her son, unaware two men already have a connection.

Well that’s concludes yet another edition of the column. Hope everyone is well and healthy. Enjoy the rest of the summer. Take care.

And until next time remember, we only have “One Life to Live”…

“One Life to Live” airs Weekdays on ABC. Weeknights on SOAPnet. Anytime on ABC.com and SOAPnet.com. Check local listings.

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