By Errol Lewis

Tyler Christopher

( — “General Hospital” star Tyler Christopher seeks out new talent looking to make it big in Hollywood with new company.

With the help of Ric Beddingfield (Talent Representative/Film Producer, The Beddingfield Company, Inc.) and Taylor Sheridan (Acting Coach/Actor, “Veronica Mars”), Christopher (Nikolas Cassadine, “GH”) has formed Los Angeles based Hollywood Talent Group, whose mission is to help discover the next big star.

Hoping to help individuals learn more about life for an actor in Hollywood or how to enhance their craft, Hollywood Talent Group will be providing the first of many “Discover Me!” seminars starting this summer, where undiscovered talent will receive personal attention and advice on how to succeed in the world of Hollywood. The first of many seminar’s will begin with a 2-day event at the Governor’s Comedy Club in Levittown, NY on July 26 and 27, 2008.

Christopher, Beddingfield and Sheridan will “personally watch and critique attendees’ auditions and will answer questions about the art of the business of acting and the process of succeeding in Hollywood,” according to a press release provided to Soap Opera Network.

Beddingfield, who has discovered many of today’s top Hollywood actors, is looking for new clients and will provide information on how one can find an agent and educate individuals on various areas in the acting business. Christopher will discuss life as an actor in Los Angeles, CA. Sheridan will provide a set of tools and techniques that can be used to enhance different areas in one’s acting.

Every actor in attendance will be given a chance to audition in front of the trio of professionals.

The two-day seminar will cost $179.00 with an additional cost of $25.00 for an optional breakfast and lunch ticket on Saturday.

For more information, contact Sheri Evans at (800) 261-9142 or visit the Hollywood Talent Group Website.

Melissa Claire Egan

MONDAY, MAY 5, 2008

In the hope of getting fired and gaining Ryan’s sympathy, Annie sabotages Fusion’s presentation for the Japanese businessmen by inserting footage of Kendall and Greenlee pole dancing. Greenlee would fire Annie on the spot but to everyone’s dismay, and Annie’s disappointment, the businessmen are won over by the presentation and award Fusion a major contract. Annie kisses Ryan but then walks away frustrated over the fact they are “just friends.” Zach explains the situation in Darfur to Ryan. Ryan seems to be his old self as he and Zach work together to come up with a plan to help Aidan rescue Jake. Jake has a chance to escape but chooses to save the life of the rebel leader instead. Robert narrowly avoids being discovered by Colby and Cassandra as they pack up for a sleepover at the Chandler mansion. Robert finds Cassandra’s sketchbook and finds a drawing of a stuffed elephant. Adam thinks his medication is causing his hallucinations but Dixie makes it clear she’s a ghost who’s going to haunt him until he does the right thing and tells Tad the truth about Kate. Angie can clearly see that Krystal still cares about Adam. Tad gets a lead on Dr. Madden’s assistant, Hazel.

By Errol Lewis

( — A family says goodbye to a loved one.

Dylan Cash


Sonny accuses Kate of betraying him. Jax finds an emotional Kate in her office after her fight with Sonny. Sonny sees Claudia and admits that he finds her ability to not pretend that she’s something she’s not even though he finds her loathsome. Alexis can’t deny she’s jealous when she catches Jerry with Claudia. Lucky asks for Tracy’s help in getting Luke to realize the Zaccharas could destroy him. Johnny and Lulu forge a plan to make it appear as though they are a couple to catch Anthony in a trap.

Lucky and Sam find an unconscious and pale Nikolas in his hospital room after they go to visit him. Sam realizes the medication that Nikolas appears to have overdosed on is the same medication Elizabeth was reprimanded for giving to a patient that almost died. Spinelli freaks out after learning Maxie is spending a lot of time with a hot young male designer. He later turns to Patrick for advice on how to attract women. Robin starts an online blog about the struggles and triumphs of pregnancy. Jason rescues Spinelli from a hooker.

The Inside Story: Michael’s Family Says Goodbye

Carly turns to Jason after she finally comes to terms with sending Michael to the permanent care facility. Sonny has second thoughts about sending Michael away as his time with his son dwindles. After her talk with Mike, Kate goes to the facility and overhears Sonny voicing his guilt over saving her and not Michael. Jax suggests to Carly that Sonny should sign away his parental rights to both Michael and Morgan. Blaming herself for putting her children in harms way, Carly goes to see Sonny. Sonny accuses Jason of blaming him for Michael’s condition. Memories of Michael flood Sonny and Carly’s minds as they ride in the ambulance to the permanent care facility with Michael. Jason sees Michael and leaves him with the book of Africa. Sonny, Carly and Jason say their goodbyes to Michael.

Dylan Cash

A Closer Look: Alexis and Ric Discuss the Zaccharas

Alexis voices her concerns to Ric about his involvement with the Zaccharas. Ric tries to get Alexis to understand that he has changed ever since Trevor manipulated his and Marianna’s relationship. He now has a plan in motion that could rid himself of Trevor for good. Anothony gives Ric an order to keep Claudia in the loop on everything. Jason informs Claudia that he will not kill Anthony without proof that he is responsible for Michael getting shot.

What to Watch

  • Luke makes an impassioned appeal to Tracy.


Monday: Claudia confesses the truth to Nikolas; Elizabeth consoles Jason over his guilt about Michael; Sonny and Carly try to push aside their grief.

Tuesday: Sonny is flabbergasted when Carly asks him to stay away from Morgan; Jason and Elizabeth wish things could be different for them; Luke is arrested for money laundering.

Wednesday: Carly returns home only to find Jax missing; Nikolas comes to terms with his dealings with Ian; Luke opts to go on the run with Tracy by his side.

Thursday: Sonny pleads his case to Carly; Carly enlists Spinelli’s help in finding her husband; Johnny and Lulu rebel.

Friday: Jason and Carly are skeptical of Sonny’s about face; Nikolas threatens Claudia; Robin is stunned by Anna’s latest actions.

OLTL PreVUE: Week of May 12 Edition

A severe case of cold feet..
Thursday, May 8, 2008 12:24 AM | By Scotty Gore

( — It’s too late to turn back now, or is it?


After overhearing Jared state that he is not a Buchanan, David Vickers devises his latest scheme. Viki is shocked to find David in her kitchen. David meanwhile, gently probes for information on Jared, and later comes face to face with he and Natalie at Asa’s mansion. Jared and Natalie pale as David claims he knows everything, however he remains clueless to the fact that he is the true Buchanan heir. David proceeds to blackmail Jared and Natalie demanding money in exchange for his silence. Nigel worries that Natalie and Jared’s relationship won’t remain a secret for long.

Cole manages to win Starr a stuffed frog along the boardwalk. John demands answers from Winter. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, Langston confesses to Dorian that she’s not the one who’s pregnant. Dorian meanwhile, is unable to reach Blair on her cell phone. After scolding her for lying, Dorian praises Langston for her loyalty to Starr in her time of need, and breathes a sigh of relief upon learning that Langston is still a virgin. Blair receives a jolt when Todd joins her and John at Virginia Beach. Todd receives the third degree from Blair, who
warns him to change his attitude. Winter doesn’t give John much information to work with, however, he is successful in gathering enough data to run a background check on the guy. Blair demands separate motel rooms for her, John, and Todd as her anger reaches its boiling point. Addie finds out that Starr is pregnant. Blair accuses Todd of allowing his anger to get in the way of his concern for Starr. While suffering from a rough bout of morning sickness, Starr realizes just how much she misses her mother. Blair’s nerves are calmed when John informs her that he told Winter to provide Todd with false information so they could get to Starr and Cole before he did. Todd, meanwhile, discovers that he has been set up. Hot on her daughter’s trail, Blair is heartbroken to see how Starr has been living since running away. John discovers that Starr is pregnant, but decides not to tell Blair. While walking on the boardwalk, Starr and Cole come face to face with Todd.


Brody spies on Gigi through a window. Still in a drunken stupor, Rex seeks advice from Bo. Adriana communicates to Brody via text messages, urging him to reveal himself to Gigi. Brody informs Adriana that is unable to at the moment because Gigi is not alone. Meanwhile, an intoxicated Rex tries to tell Gigi something but is interrupted by Shane. After Gigi sends him home, Rex is surprised to find Adriana there waiting for him. Certain that he is lying about not visiting Gigi, Adriana asks Rex to make love to her. Trying to tone down the situation, both Rex and Adriana are dismayed by his sudden case of erectile dysfunction. Brody looks on as Gigi breaks down in tears, and leaves without revealing himself to her. As Rex and Adriana awaken on their wedding day, neither are as happy as they should be. Considering it a bad omen for them to be together before their wedding, Roxy goes into panic mode. Roxy exhibits strange motherly behavior when she reminds Rex that she has always loved him. Bo suspects Rex is suffering from more than a case of cold feet. Marcie receives a surprise when Gigi informs her that Rex is Shane’s father. As Gigi is leaving for the wedding, Marcie urges her to tell Shane the truth, but Gigi feels that it is best for everyone if it stays a secret. Marcie and Gigi rush to Llanfair is search of Shane’s inhaler following a severe asthma attack. While there, they encounter Rex, who is searching for Charlie. Adriana reminds Brody of their agreement. Adriana and her bridal party make their way to the church for the wedding. Back at Llanfair, Rex gives Shane mouth-to-mouth resuscitation just before he and Gigi rush him to the hospital. Charlie and Bo are concerned when by Rex’s absence as the wedding is about to begin. Dorian reverts to her old ways when she pays Brody is disappear. Rex and Gigi nearly give in to their feelings. A heartbroken Gigi successfully urges Rex to leave for the church. Adriana is relieved by Rex’s arrival. Although secretly troubled, Rex assures Bo that everything is fine. Dorian tries to manipulate Gigi in order to get what she wants. As Brody recalls the day he said goodbye to Gigi, he remains conflicted on what to do next.


- Antonio and Talia’s kiss at Capricorn is interrupted by Cristian who warns them that they are placing their plan in jeopardy.

- Antonio assures his brother that he and Talia are playing it safe.

- Alone together in a closed Capricorn, Antonio and Talia find it difficult to keep their hands to themselves.

- Antonio and Talia are disciplined by a priest who finds them making out in the church.

- Sarah and Cristian enjoy a little play time.

- My View of Llanview: April 30 Edition. READ MORE

- Evans Brings Tina Back to Llanview. READ MORE


Monday: Gigi has something to say at the wedding; Blair orders Todd to stay away from Starr; David places Jared on the hot seat in front of Clint and Nora.

Tuesday: Starr opens up to Blair; Gigi is floored to see Brody alive and well; Jared will stop at nothing to silence David.

Wednesday: Blair wants to keep Todd in the dark about Starr for as long as possible; Natalie and Jared realize they must confess before David outs them; Natalie works to keep Clint from spotting David.

Thursday: Blair tells Todd to find a new place to live; Lindsay vows to make Nora suffer for coming between her and Bo; a scorned RJ warns Lindsay that her secrets will be exposed.

Friday: Todd has a trick up his sleeve concerning Blair and his kids; Viki’s world is rocked by Charlie’s confession; Gigi informs Adriana of Dorian’s latest actions.

Pictured: John-Paul Lavoisier courtesy Donna Svennevik/ABC

You may not reproduce content without written permission from author.

© 2008 Soap Opera Network. All rights reserved.

By Angela Rosa


Ricky Paull Goldin

( — Dr. Jake Martin returns to Pine Valley with scars.


Greenlee throws herself into Aidan’s arms when he suddenly walks into Zach’s office. Aidan explains the details of his and Jake’s escape to Greenlee, Ryan, Zach and Kendall. Annie simmers when she spots Ryan comforting Greenlee. Jake describes the harsh realities of his life in Darfur to Greenlee but explains that he needs to finish his work there. Greenlee’s refusal to help does little to deter Jake’s will to make an unauthorized exit out of the hospital. Greenlee finds a collapsed Jake. Aidan explains to Greenlee that no one survives a war completely unscathed. Greenlee is clearly unsettled as Aidan brings up the topic of them starting a family. Kendall advices Greenlee to share her true feelings about parenthood with Aidan. Greenlee informs Aidan that she never wants to be a mother. Aidan questions why Greenlee was once so desperate to have Ryan’s child but refuses to even consider having his.

The risks Aidan took on his mission to Darfur registering with him, Zach is finally able to put the past events behind him and let go of his anger. Erica is greatly relieved to learn that everything is fine between Zach and Kendall when they come to pay her a visit. Jack and Kendall’s phones get mixed up as they’re leaving the prison. Thinking she’s calling Kendall, Erica inadvertently lets Jack know about Kendall and Aidan tryst. Erica has no choice but to confirm her slip but urges Jack not to reveal anything to Greenlee.


Amanda encourages a dejected Annie to fight for Ryan. Ryan surprises Annie with a picnic in the stables and apologizes for forgetting their anniversary. Annie’s emotions get the best of her as she confronts Ryan about seeing him with Greenlee the night before. Ryan’s memories of Annie begin to flood back as she turns to walk away from him. Annie is finally convinced that Ryan is telling her the truth. Ryan and Annie make love but Ryan is clearly conflicted about his feelings. Ryan confesses to Kendall that although he now remembers Annie, he doesn’t remember loving her. Upon overhearing that tidbit, a hurt Annie decides not to reveal to Ryan that his vasectomy never took.


Dixie continues to taunt Adam. Dixie’s admission about her own mistakes does little to convince Adam to change his mind about keeping Tad in the dark. Krystal questions what Tad would do if he found Kate living with a family that she loves and that loves her. Dixie realizes she can still feel love as she experiences anguish over not being able to reach out to JR. JR works to have his father committed after he admits that Dixie is haunting him. Tad hits a roadblock in his search for Kate. Stuart believes Adam may really be seeing Dixie but JR won’t hear of it. Dixie is greatly amused as Adam is locked up in the same ward of Oak Haven that he once unjustly had her committed to.


- Krystal assures Jesse that Cassandra will soon become more comfortable with him.

- Richie shows his true colors when Babe confronts him about what he did to JR.

- Babe disguises herself as a hooker after forming a plan to prove that Richie set JR up.

- Frankie and Jake immediately form a bond; Frankie urges Jake not to push away his family. 

- After Jesse leaves, Cassandra answers the door to Robert, who is clearly up to no good


Monday: Annie is more determined than ever to keep Ryan. An unknowing Angie tells Jesse to stop looking for trouble where none exists. Dixie warns Adam that his time is running out.

Tuesday: Jesse is surprised by an unexpected visit from his old friend Greg Nelson. Adam is chilled when Dixie points out that his actions have consequences. Aidan and Greenlee reach out to each other.

Wednesday: Jesse surprises Angie by getting Ne-Yo to perform at their wedding. Aidan tells Greenlee how he feels about them. Jack lets Aidan and Kendall’s secret out slip in front of Greenlee.

Thursday: A fiery Greenlee confronts Kendall, Aidan and Zach. Dixie watches over her family and friends at Angie and Jesse’s reception. Jesse faces off with Robert as Angie arrives.

Friday: The wedding takes an unexpected turn. Aidan wishes he could turn back time for him and Greenlee. Dixie watches with horror at the unexpected turn of events.

You may not reproduce content without written permission from author.

© 2008 Soap Opera Network. All rights reserved.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008 7:52 AM | By Angela Rosa

Sydney Penny

( — Just as the Hubbard clan reemerges on “All My Children,” the Santos clan fades away.

Several weeks from today’s date, “All My Children” will be Santos free for the first time in over fifteen years. Sydney Penny, who plays Julia Santos, has been let go from the ABC serial.

Penny, now 36 years old, began her daytime career on NBC’s Santa Barbara where she portrayed incest-survivor B.J. Walker from 1992-1993. The actress then landed the role of Dr. Maria Santos (Eva LaRue) younger and troubled sister, Julia, on “AMC” and began airing in September 1993. Paired with Keith Hamilton Cobb, in the popular interracial pairing of Noah and Julia, Penny rose to the pinnacle of her daytime fame. The actress exited the soap in December 1996. Penny’s next contract role was on CBS’s “The Bold and the Beautiful” where she played Samantha Kelly from 2003 to April 2005. Penny returned to “AMC” full-time in August of 2005.

The Emmy-nominated actress has also enjoyed shorter soap stints on NBC’s “Sunset Beach,” FOX’s “Beverly Hills 90210″ and the WB’s “Hyperion Bay.” At 12 years old, Penny appeared in the popular ABC miniseries “The Thorn Birds” as a young Meggie. Penny also appeared on “The New Gidget” and “TJ Hooker,” as well as a slew of made-for-television movies.

Sydney Penny married Robert Powers in 1995 and they welcomed their first child, Chasen August Powers, on May 31, 2007.

Watch for Penny’s exit to coincide with a tragic set of events that occurs after Jesse and Angie’s (Darnell Williams and Debbi Morgan) May 21 wedding.

“All My Children” airs weekdays on ABC and weeknights on SOAPnet. Check local listings.

  • All My Children
  • Sydney Penny
  • AMC

    By Errol Lewis3

    ( — “The Bold and the Beautiful” Casting News for the Week of May 19, 2008.

    The Bold and the Beautiful

    Alley Mills returns as “Pam Douglas” on Monday, May 19.

    Ivar Brogger portrays “Dr. Patrick” on Monday, May 19.

    Dana Cuomo portrays “The Recovery Representative” on Monday, May 19.

    Shasi Wells portrays “The Forrester Secretary” on Thursday, May 22.

    By Errol Lewis

    ( — A Texas Battle hits Los Angeles and the face-off could have long-lasting results for CBS’ “The Bold and the Beautiful.”

    Texas Battle

    Houston, Texas born actor Texas Battle, 31, has been tapped to join the drama series in the contract role of Marcus, son of Donna Logan played by Jennifer Gareis, 37, confirms Executive Producer and Head Writer, Bradley P. Bell via press release.

    “Marcus books a flight to Los Angeles after seeing the wedding announcement of Eric and Donna in the local paper,” Bell explains. “He arrives on the scene at a time when the Forresters and the Logans are embroiled in deeply emotional issues. It is soon revealed that Marcus is connected to the Logans, a secret that Donna has been keeping since she was a teenager.”

    “When Donna was 16, she had a baby and gave it up for adoption,” Bell informed TV Guide. “The identity of the dad, who is black, is going to remain a mystery for a while.”

    After marrying Eric Forrester on the Friday, May 9 episode of “B&B,” Donna begins to enjoy life as a Forrester wife, but her life of luxury could be cut short as Marcus appears on her doorstep on May 13.

    Battle’s previous credits include roles in the films “Final Destination 3,” “Coach Carter” and “Wrong Turn 2.” He also appeared in episodes of “One Tree Hill” and the now defunct “All of Us.” He can next be seen in the films “Hitting the Bricks” (2008) and as Carey Fuller in “Dragonball” (2009), the big screen adaptation of the popular “Dragonball” series.

    Battle graduated from the University of Texas, majoring in Kinesiology.

    OLTL PreVUE: Week of May 5 Edition

    By Scotty Gore

    ( — A con man targets his next victim.

    Tuc Watkins


    Blair blames Todd for Starr running away with Cole, and urges him to take responsibility for his actions. Langston and Markko find themselves in hot water with Dorian as they cover for Starr by claiming that Langston is the one who is pregnant. As Dorian lashes out at Markko, Langston quickly reminds her of what it takes to be a Cramer woman. Starr and Cole are honest with one another as they discuss their night of passion. John infoms Antonio and Talia that he is leaving Llanview in search of Starr and Cole. As the two teen lovebirds settle into their new lives, Starr is impressed by Cole’s get up and go attitude as they search for summer jobs. John provides Blair with moral support, and work together to figure out where Starr and Cole have gone. Todd, meanwhile, confronts Langston and Markko demanding to know where Starr and Cole ran away to. Langston’s attempts to calm Todd’s down are shortlived when he locates Markko’s pre-paid cell phone in his backpack. Afterward, he call the cell phone and demands to speak with his daughter. While tempted by Todd’s offer to come home, Starr realizes that her father would die if he knew she were pregnant. Todd receives a tip as to Starr and Cole’s location. Dorian’s annoucement shocks Langston. As John and Blair search the boardwalk, they are unaware of just how close Starr and Cole really are. Langston is beside herself when Dorian takes her to the doctor for an abortion.

    Charlie begins to suspect that Rex is having second thoughts about marrying Adriana. Gigi confesses her feelings for Rex to Viki. Adriana attempts to persuade Brody to reunite with Gigi and Shane. Adriana’s jaw drops when Brody tells her that Rex is Shane’s father. Refusing to abandon her plan, and knowing that Gigi would never do anything to tarnish Shane’s image of his father the war hero, Adriana tries to reward Brody with money if he pretends to be Shane’s father. Rex and Gigi continue to dance around their feelings. Meanwhile, Adriana finds the two together, and invites Gigi to her bachelorette party at UV, and apologizes to Rex for her behavior. Dorian becomes worried about Adriana’s zealousness about getting Gigi and Brody back together. Gigi confesses to Marcie that she’s still in love with Rex. In a drunken stuper,
    Rex crashes the bachelorette party looking for Gigi and does an impromptu striptease. Snoop Dogg performs at Adriana’s Ultra Violet bachelorette party. While still drunk, Rex seeks advice from Bo. Shane is thrilled to find a picture of his “father” Brody, who has conflicting feelings about reuniting with Gigi and Shane.


    Natalie loses the battle with her feelings and tells Jared that she loves him. Agreeing not to think about the future, Natalie and Jared make love for the first time. Later, after waking up happily in one another’s arms, Jared decides he will come clean once they return to Llanview. Natalie’s happiness is short lived when Jared tells her that Charlie is his father. Natalie believes that Viki needs to know the truth, but can’t bear to destroy her mother’s happiness. Jared and Natalie stop by the Bonjour Cafe, where David Vickers just happens to be working. David recalls the nightmare that led him to seek employment at the local greasy spoon. Natalie and Jared’s arrival peaks David’s curiosity. After overhearing Jared saying that he is not really a Buchanan, David believes he has found his latest meal ticket; all the while unaware
    that he is the true Buchanan heir.


    - Antonio and Talia quickly make up for lost time.

    - Antonio, John, and Talia kick their plan to destroy Ramsey into second gear.

    - Antonio continues to make Ramsey believe he is a corrupt cop and wants a piece of whatever side action Ramsey is involved with.

    - Cristian spots Antonio and Talia together and warns them they are planning their plan in jeopardy by being together.

    - My View of Llanview: April 30 Edition. READ MORE

    - Evans Brings Tina Back to Llanview. READ MORE

    SON ALERTS: WEEK OF MAY 12, 2008

    Monday: Rex wrestles with his feelings for Gigi; Todd, Blair, and John are hot on Starr and Cole’s trail; Langston is forced to tell Dorian the truth.

    Tuesday: Adriana orders Brody to follow through with his end of the bargin; David pays Viki a surprise visit; Jared and Natalie finds themselves in over their heads.

    Wednesday: John is one step ahead of Todd; David places Natalie and Jared on the hot seat; Dorian takes action on her daughter’s wedding day.

    Thursday: Adriana fears the worst when Rex is absent from his own wedding; Starr and Cole bump into Todd; John realizes that Starr is pregnant.

    Friday: Gigi says her peace as the wedding gets underway; Blair orders Todd to stay away from Starr; Jared fights back when David threatens to blackmail him.

    You may not reproduce content without written permission from author.

    © 2008 Soap Opera Network. All rights reserved.

    My View of Llanview: April 30 Edition

    Back to the past
    Sunday, May 4, 2008 11:44 PM| By Scotty Gore

    ( – A look at Viki before Erika.

    Hello everyone. My sincere apologizes for this column being a few days late, but I am about to enter the final days of my student teaching semester. With graduation fast approaching next Saturday, things have gotten rather hectic around the house, seriously limiting the amount of free time I have available
    to write this column.

    So, because of homework and tests, here an article from the June 1971 edition of After Noon TV, entitled “The Good Witch of the North Riding Side Saddle on a Washing Machine.” It was written by Robert Narrows, and talks about Joanne Dorian who became the second actress to portray Viki on “One Life to Live” between Gillian Spencer and Erika Slezak. Hope you enjoy…….

    Return with us now to El Mirage Lake in California, a sea of sand where Joanne Dorian once road the toughest, the orneriest, he most rip shortin’ washing machine in creation.

    Yup, that’s what we said folks. A washing machine. Rode it sidesaddle, no less. And that’s not all. Joanne’s also been a puppet come to life, had conversations with an imaginary dog, been stuffed in a Volkswagen with 23 college boys and dreamed about flowers inside a coffee cup.

    Hard to believe? Well, the truth is that anybody can do it. Anybody, that is who’s young and beautiful and has what they call in the business “a commercial face.”

    And Joanne Dorian has it. So much so, that if you haven’t yet caught her performance as Viki Riley on One Life to Live, chances are you’ve seen her work in dozens of little commercial dramas. Last Christmas, for example, she was popping out all over the tube as the Avon Lady, the one who sold her goodies to a deliriously happy Mrs. Santa Claus at the North Pole. And do you know that surrealistic split-screen classic? That masterpiece where on one side is a girl soaping her hair, and on the other is a baby running through the fields while an off screen voice coos “Remember the baby like softness that was born in your hair…?” Well, Joanne was the sudsy one. She’s also been a Crisco lady, and if you live in the Midwest, you might recall her throwing snowballs and shilling air-conditioning for Columbia Gas. And so on, ad commercio nauseum.

    Joanne has been on the commercial whirl for the past two years, ever since she migrated to New York from sunny California. That’s not to say she singled out commercials as a life work. When you earned a degree in drama from UCLA, danced and sang in a USO sponsored tour of Carousel in the Orient, worked in repertory and appeared in the national company of There’s A Girl in My Soup, you don’t necessarily dream about huckstering for Johnson and Johnson, Crisco, Top Job or ringing doorbells for Avon.

    What we’re trying to say is that life just ain’t that easy for an aspiring actress. So up till now, and except for a brief appearance as a copy girl in The Secret Storm (oddly enough, she is cast as an executive assistant on a newspaper in One Life to Live), Joanne’s talent has been displayed largely on 30 and 60 second commercial spots. Not that we’re knocking commercials. Joanne regards them as rewarding and fun. Some so funny, in fact, that they’ve never made it to the home screen. Like, for instance, that mechanical dreadnaught we spoke about earlier – the washing machine.

    “I rode side saddle on that thing for three days,” said Joanne “driven across the desert by a little old man who was scrunched up inside the machine at the controls. There were food stains set up at particular intervals, and the driver was supposed to stop at those marks when he heard a horn blast, the signal being given by the director who was riding along side of us in the camera car.”

    “The trouble was that the machine didn’t stop. It zipped right through the bloodstains, the coffee stains and the egg stains. It went faster and faster. I was screaming and yelling and banging my feet, and the director was screaming and yelling and tooting his horn.”

    “But then things got even more ridiculous. As we were galumphing along, looming on the horizon and heading straight for us was an entire house, pulled a long by a little car. And off in the distance we could see another commercial being filmed – some guy flying in the air with a wing like apparatus.”

    “So you can just imagine how ludicrous it was. There we were, the washer and camera car rattling along, the house in front and aerial act above. It was like a scene out of a Fellini western.”

    “Finally, a’la John Wayne, the director pulled me off the machine to safety. Later we discovered that the washer driver didn’t stop because he never heard the horn. Seemed he was hard of hearing.”

    But that’s not all, folks. Here ‘s another commercial that died on he cutting room floor. Let’s call it the great Volkswagen caper.

    “I guess the sponsor was trying to show how roomy the car was,” said Joanne. “Anyway, they put me under the dashboard and wedged in a fraternity house from the University of Southern California. Three of the boys were put in the trunk and the rest were plopped in the car like so many pancakes. I almost smothered to death.”

    “For the grand finale, they all poured out of the car, put me on the hood and carried me off.” Why didn’t they air the commercial? Use you imagination. There’s something slightly risqué about a girl coming out of a car behind 23 young guys.

    I got a mild case of claustrophobia from that commercial. My own car was a Volkswagen, and for the next two weeks I was afraid to get into it.”

    There’s more. “Oh let me tell you about this coffee ad,” she laughed. “It was partially animated to give the impression that my husband and I were sitting in the middle of a coffee cup. Every time we took a sip we’d have a psychedelic experience. He’d see boats. I’d see flowers. The images kept alternating until one of our visions merged and we were lifted out of a cup by a balloon. It was fun, really. But they never did put that coffee on the market.”

    Her first commercial, and one that did see the light on the TV screen, was a Top Job ad especially tailored for the annual showing of The Wizard of Oz. The detergent bottle caps were shaped in the puppet form of Oz characters, and Joanne sprang to life as the Good Witch of the North.

    “I had to sprinkle magic dust over a little girl who was playing Dorothy and guide her through the Land of Oz,” recalled Joanne.

    According to Joanne commercial auditions can be crazier than commercial itself. Without a script or prop to work with, She’s been asked to recreate some nutty situations. Among them carrying on an impromptu conversation with an invisible dog and lifting imaginary tables and chairs.

    Now if you think that’s ridiculous, consider the lunacy of her most recent audition. Consider also, that it’s you, not Joanne who has just walked into the commercial studio. The director speaks:

    “Okay,” He says, “I want you to imagine that it’s very early in the morning. You’re half asleep when you go to the window and open the Venetian blinds. You pull the string, and while it’s going down the string on the other end is going up – with a box of Jell-O. Throughout the day, you see boxes of Jell-O everywhere. Finally, you get in your car, and because it’s raining you turn on the windshield wipers. And attached to the wipers are boxes of Jell-O going back and forth, back and forth.”

    Now if you can do that, you can do commercials. Who knows, you might even be lucky enough to ride sidesaddle on a washing machine.

    Saving the best for last, it’s time to take a quick look at some of the plotlines coming up on “OLTL” a couple of weeks down the road. A concerned woman is relieved to learn that one Cramer woman is a virgin, but shocked that another is with child. A young child has a medical crisis on someone’s wedding day.
    A man of the cloth confronts a lustful couple for not keeping their hands to themselves. And a mother is heartbroken to discover her daughter’s present living conditions.

    Well, that’s all for this edition of the column. I hope you enjoyed this edition of the column. That’s all for now; please be sure and join me again on May 15th. See you next time.

    And until next time remember, we only have “One Life to Live” …..

    Pictured: My View of Llanview courtesy Matt Smith/Soap Opera Network