Wednesday, June 30, 2010 12:01 AM ET | By Scotty Gore
(SoapOperaNetwork.com) — Llanview experiences an infestation of the teenage variety.
Summer tends to bring carefree days, refreshing dips in the pool, and golden brown tans. However, it also tends to bring out the worst in daytime dramas, particularly “One Life to Live.” It may not even be the 4th of July yet, but Llanivew has been plagued with something far worse than locusts, boll weevils, and mosquitos combined. That’s right…a plethora of new one-dimensional cardboard teenage cast members whose characters are unrelated from pretty much any recognizable veteran character currently on the canvas.
First it was the Starr X’d Lovers musical back in May which, by the way, was hideous in its own right, but what’s happening now makes that look like Emmy Award winning material. It’s times like this that I find myself longing for the days when Dena Higley was the Head Writer. It’s just that bad. I’ve seen better writing and acting on “Saved By the Bell,” “Gilligan’s Island,” and “My Mother the Car.”
It’s amazing that, in just the past few months, we have been introduced to more new teen characters than one can shake a stick at (which is a lot by the way). We’ve already been subjected to the likes of James, Nate, Hannah, Darren, Whitney, and Karen the Pizza Girl, alongside the overexposed characters of Starr, Cole, Dani, Destiny, Langston, and Matthew. And let’s not forget about Markko and Ford.
Do I give a damn about Starr and James going on the run together? Hell no. Do I enjoy watching Nate and Dani getting all cozy? Of course not. Do I even care that Langston is torn over her relationship with Ford? No….I haven’t cared for her since she broke Markko’s heart. And, judging by the ratings, a lot of other “OLTL” viewers are feeling the same way.
You know, I just might actually become invested in some of these new teens if they were somewhat connected to “legacy” families on the show. But, as we all know, that is not going to happen. Instead the canvas is flooded with these no-talent hacks, while the writers try to appease the older, long-time viewers by throwing them crumbs with regards to veteran characters like Viki, Dorian, Clint, Bo, and Nora.
Calling this show in its current state a travesty is putting it mildy. It takes great talent to run a show into the ground, and for that Brian Frons deserves a great deal of credit. And judging by the current status of the entire ABC Daytime line-up, he must be damn good at his job. The worse things get, the more promotions and raises he receives. Talk about rewarding failure. Frons would fit in perfectly at BP or one of those big Wall Street corporations like AIG or Goldman Sachs.
On a separate note, surely I am not the only person who finds it ironic that “OLTL” won a Daytime Emmy for best casting, yet lost out in the only three categories in which any of the show’s actors were nominated. Way to go “One Life.” 0-3 and still going strong. Not.
Moving on, that’s all I’m going to say about the sorry state of “One Life to Live.” I’m just too disgusted and pissed off at it at the moment to continue talking about the show. Again, it’s just that bad.
Congratulations, by the way, to “Chris,” who correctly identified last time’s mystery “OLTL” guest star, which was the late, great legendary “Match Game” host Gene Rayburn, who played corrupt congressman Quentin Fraizer, a politican who was under the thumb of none other than the infamous Asa Buchanan.
In case you missed the clues, here they are: Throughout the 1970’s this man helped “Match” ordinary people up with celebrities, but by 1982, he tackled a far different role when he came to Llanview to play a public official that was in the back pocket of the pariarch of one of the town’s most powerful families.
Now it’s time to play another round of “Llanview, Who Am I?,” a new feature where you have to use the clues to figure out the identity of a mystery celebrity guest star from “OLTL’s” past. See if you can figure it out. Good luck!!!
This “Man from U.N.C.L.E.” star whose “World” was left unhappy, agreed to a short stint as a man of the cloth in Llanview in 1996. A few years later he played dad to Charles Shaughnessy’s “Nanny” character.
So who is this mystery celebrity from the past? I’ll have the answer in the July 15th edition of My View of Llanview. And don’t forget to check out my Twitter page for all the latest OLTL news and information at SON.
Now, before I wrap up this column, I’m going to look into my crystal ball and give you a quick sneak peek at a few things coming up a few weeks down the road. These are for the week of July 19th. A scorned lover catches her adversary in the sack with her old ‘boy toy.’ A husband and wife are in need of a little R&R. One woman holds the fate of another in her hands. A certain young man decides to get tested after learning of the ‘history’ of a recent fling. Two sisters end up in the ER thanks to some rancid muffins. And someone is drugged.
Well that’s concludes yet another edition of the column. Have a happy and safe July 4th holiday weekend and don’t forget to save me a seat at all those family cookouts this summer. Stay cool and take care.
And until next time remember, we only have “One Life to Live”…
“One Life to Live” airs Weekdays on ABC. Weeknights on SOAPnet. Anytime on ABC.com and SOAPnet.com. Check local listings.