Photo: Errol Lewis/SON

Wednesday, April 15, 2010 12:01 AM ET | By Scotty Gore

(SoapOperaNetwork.com) — “One Life to Live’s” closing credits have really been capturing my attention lately.

This edition of “My View of Llanview” is brought to you by TurboTax.  Get your biggest tax refund ever, guaranteed!  Choose easy.  Choose TurboTax.  The #1 tax preparation software preferred by rich people in Llanview and all across the United States. 

Sorry for the plug, but I just had to throw it in after watching “OLTL” recently and seeing Natalie promote TurboTax during a conversation with Jessica. 

Moving on, the show has become so boring in recent months that little else (outside of the product placement for TurboTax) has been capturing my attention. The 2pm (1pm where I live) hour has become more of a time to fix lunch, finish some housework, or do much anything else to kill time while watching “OLTL.” I don’t even mind so much taping episodes I choose to miss with my trusty old VCR (yes some people still have those), or watching it later online. There is just nothing anymore that keeps me on the edge of my seat, biting my fingernails and worried about what was going to happen next. Gone are the days when I absolutely could not wait for the next day’s episode.

Therefore, the majority of the time, the closing credits have become my favorite part of the show for the simple fact that it means another episode is over and I go about my life outside of Llanview. That is especially depressing, considering I used to so totally engulfed in the show that I would rush to report/comment on anything and everything about it. Now I have settled into the mindset of putting it off until I have absolutely nothing better to do with my time.

Seriously, what is there left to enjoy watching? The Jessica is seventeen again storyline continues to be a flop. I no longer recognize the character of Langston. Viki is barely even an afterthought anymore. Dorian has begun to fade into the background. Todd’s constant pouting and whining grates my nerves. I couldn’t care less about John and his brooding. Rex and Gigi have the IQ of a box of rocks, and even that’s pushing it. And then there’s Kish raising Sierra Rose. Oh wait, that’s right…we won’t be seeing them anymore anyway.

Should I care that Rex is, once again, trying to locate his biological parents? No, because I didn’t even care the first time around? Does it warm my heart that Bo and Nora have reunited and are talking marriage? Maybe, if we saw them for more than a few minutes a week. Do I think Viki and Charlie should get back together? Charlie who? There doesn’t even seem to be anyone in Llanview with that name any longer. Does it make me feel sorry for Todd that he cannot be with “the woman he loves?” You have got to be kidding me. And am I looking forward to the big musical next month? Yes, about as much as I am looking forward to having prostate exams on a regular basis now that I am thirty-years-old.

So what does that leave? Spunky little Todd Jr./mini-Todd (aka Jack) explaining the obvious to his father? Loony Allison Perkins proving once again just how unhinged she really is? Roxy’s constant (but nonetheless hilarious) butchering of the English language? Mitch cheating death just one more time? Or how about the frequent musical guests who perform on the show? Shoult I find all that exciting, and “must see TV?”  Yeah right, and $10.00 will still put a full tank of gas in my car.

Honestly, “One Life to Live” is practically boring me to tears lately. And looking at what is coming up in the next few weeks isn’t doing anything to make me want to watch the show with any more enthusiasm. Don’t get me wrong, I am still a fan of the show, and continue to feel a sense of loyalty to it, but I no longer try to revolve my day around the show. In fact, that hasn’t been the case for sometime now.

That’s really all I have to say about that. Honestly, I’m at a loss for words right now when it comes to writing any further about how bad it is. I don’t even think mere words could do it justice anyhow. Unlike my credit cards, I am carrying a very low rate of interest with regards to “OLTL” at the moment. Thank goodness for the warm weather, the lawn mowing, the garden planting, and the flower potting, because it will all help to take my mind off of this crapfest that continues to play out on my television screen.

I’ve always heard that the mind of a head writer was a scary place. Well after watching “One Life to Live” the past few months, I can believe it. Perhaps it’s time for a regime change. Or maybe it’s just time to take the show out behind the ole proverbial woodshed and put it out of it’s misery once and for all. And I never I thought I would have to say that. However, I guess there really is a first time for everything. It’s just a damn pity that this is the same “One Life to Live” that was wonderful just a year or two ago. Well, that was then, I suppose.

So what bugs you about “One Life to Live” these days? Be sure and drop me a line…I would love to hear from you, and I just might use your comments in an upcoming column.

Congratulations to “C.L.B.,” who correctly guessed the identity of last time’s mystery “OLTL” guest stars as none other than the Beach Boys. The group, which has been around for nearly half a century, is best known for hits such as “Surfin’ Safari,” “Surfin’ USA,” and “Kokomo.”

In case you missed the clues, here they are: It’s a short one this time. What 1960’s music group visited Llanview in 1988 to sing a few tunes with their old pal Bo Buchanan?

Now it’s time to play another round of “Llanview, Who Am I?,” a new feature where you have to use the clues to figure out the identity of a mystery celebrity guest star from “OLTL’s” past. See if you can figure it out. Good luck!!!

This 30-year-old professional athlete from Alaska had a small walk-on role on “One Life to Live” on August 31, 2000 as an airport clerk.

So who is this mystery jock from the past? I’ll have the answer in the April 30th edition of “My View of Llanview.” Also don’t forget to tell me what bugs you about the show these days. I love hearing from fellow “OLTL” fans. And don’t forget to check out my Twitter page for all the latest OLTL news and information at SON.

Now, before I wrap up this column, I’m going to look into my crystal ball and give you a quick sneak peek at a few things coming up a few weeks down the road. These are for the week of May 3rd. Two girls square off over a guy. One man is on a mission. Could one couple be about to bite the dust? A woman risks her career to help her best friend’s son. And someone receives some news that will change their life.

Well that’s concludes yet another edition of the column. Hope springtime is bringing warm thoughts and weather wherever you may be. Stay safe and take care!

And until next time remember, we only have “One Life to Live”…

“One Life to Live” airs Weekdays on ABC. Weeknights on SOAPnet. Anytime on ABC.com and SOAPnet.com. Check local listings.

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